Sit-com in Central London

February 25, 2011

Having a good time learning how to craft a sit-com with tutor Chris Head with a gang of fellow comedy aspirants. Here’s a sample of some earlier sketch work …

Why?
Two new first year students encounter a couple of characters in a corridor of a college of adult ed’.

Student 1
That guy in the refectory pointed somewhere down here?

Student 2
Yes, don’t think I’ll ever get used to this rabbit-warren, here, let’s ask these two…excuse me please, we’re…

JJJ
…At the pinnacle of human learning and endeavour: the Wood Green College of Adult Education!

DB
Yes, indeededo! Kids, and may I present an extraordinary woman – but who is she? Writer, thinker, knower…; dancer, teacher, searcher…? People, I give you our own – Josolyn Johnson Jesus, Doctor of Thought.

JJJ
… Ah, Get out of here! With sheer insouciance his tuxedo, candour his waistcoat and certainty his tie-pin, why, it’s none other than the college’s finest, Donard Berkley – Professor of How It Was Back Then. And here we stand – humbled – asking you just one simple question: why are you here?

Student 1
Well…erm… at the minute we’re…
(Berkley and Jesus exchange glances of unctuous charity)

JJJ
Innocents both (further unctuous glances); little darlings, concerned only with the physical, prosaic circumstance of life…

DB
Where’s Mom?

JJJ
I want’a hot-dog!

DB
Hey, anyone got a nickel? I need me a soda?

Student 2
A nickel… No, it’s just that…

JJJ
Testy teendom… How well I remember that place! Picture it, Donard, can you dig the two of us back in 68? Quite the most cussed, ornery couple of greenhorns UCLA had ever set eyes upon!

DB
You bet, Josolyn! We were on fire – no protest march, sit- in or rally was complete without you and I, a-flame and beacon-bright… scorching incendiaries of crimson at the vanguard of any peace-posse.

Student 2
Peace-Posse? I’m confused!

Student 1
Me too! We just thought you might be able to help us find…

DB
Find…find you ask – ah, finding is what Dr J J Jesus and I are all about, my son. You see, we’ve flown a thousand skies, crossed many deserts, traversed jungled-swathes of tundra… places harbouring answers to questions that’d fox a sphinx, hiding secret answers to riddles as old as lapis, as deep as cratered caverns and as wide as the stone-grey seas.

JJJ
Come, be with us as we unearth the moist and breathing wisdom of knowing, knowing of what is and what will be… in the yester-morn, the after-dusk, the even-dawn, the…

Student 1
(To Student 2) As new as I am, something tells me something’s wrong here…

Student 2
Me too! Could it be we caught in some labyrinthine hell, inhabited only by two of the demon’s stink-hounds who’ll chew away at our minds till all that’s left is a puddle of bubbling brain-froth?

Student 1
I fear it’s so! I’m making one last desperate bid. Can you tell us where…

(From off-left, a person appears and glances at the foursome as he passes… The student – now panicking, to the passer-by)… the toilets are?

P-B
End of the corridor on the left.

Students 1 & 2
Cheers mate! (The students and passer-by exit leaving DB with arms raised heavenward in supplication and JJJ with eyes shut and tongue licking the air. After a moment, with solicitous – if slightly bewildered glances at each other – each picks up a broom from the back wall and resumes their respective janitorial cleaning round.)

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